Linkin Park "My dcmbr"(Reanimation)

Linkin Park "Easier to Run" (with lyrics)

Nine Inch Nails "Down In It"

Kinda like a cloud, I was up, way up in the sky
And I was feeling some feelings you wouldn't believe
Sometimes I don't believe them myself
And I decided I was never coming down
Just then a tiny little dot caught my eye
It was just about too small to see
But I watched it way too long
That dot was pulling me down
I was up above it
I was up above it
I was up above it
I was up above it
Now I'm down in it
Shut up
So what what does it matter now
I was swimming in the hate now I crawl on the ground
And everything I never liked about you
Is kind of seeping into me
I try to laugh about it now but isn't it funny how everything works out
I guess the jokes on me, she said
I was up above it
I was up above it
I was up above it
I was up above it
I used to be so big and strong
I used to know my right from wrong
I used to never be afraid
I used to be somebody
I used to have something inside
Now just this hole it's open wide
Used to want it all
I used to be somebody
I'll cross my heart and hope to die
But the needle's already in my eye
And all the world's weight is on my back and I don't even know why.
And what I used to think was me is just a fading memory
I looked him right in the eye and said goodbye
I was up above it
I was up above it
I was up above it
I was up above it
Now I'm down in it
I was up above it
I was up above it
Now I'm down in it
Rain rain go away
Come again some other day
Rain rain go away
Come again some other day
Rain rain go away
Come again some other day
Rain rain go away
Come again some other day
I was up above it
I was up above it
I was up above it
I was up above it
Now I'm down in it

the Future of Applied Neuroscience in Education

to Behold, if one chooses that: an article that is really waking up my brain, today.
-> A call to action?

"The Future of Applied Neuroscience in Education: Transitioning from Leading with the Left to Leading with the Right"

by Thedy Veliz, June 24, 2019

Education is not about learning to make a living, but rather about learning to live a life. In neuroscience terms this means that we need to transition from the left-brain qualities of rigidity and control to the right-brain qualities of flexibility and attending to the uniqueness of each individual student. Here are three ways in which this can be accomplished:

From knowing about the brain (left brain) to operationalizing such knowledge through the way we manage our relationship as a caregiver (e.g., teacher, counselor, administrator, sports coach) with a student.

It does not help a student for caregivers to be able to know about the brain if “when the rubber meets the road” the information is not operationalized through “right-brain-to-right-brain” (Schore, 2002, p. 7) communications within a “two-person psychology” (Schore, 2012, p. 436). Thus, we are at a point where caregivers need the tools to transition from “knowing” about the brain to “being” a different type of person based on this information. This requires an embodied way of attending (McGilchrist, 2019) that shields oneself from the societal dynamics that might be working against us being able to do just that (Courtwright, 2019).

From expecting the child to fit “the road” to helping the child create his own “unique road”.

Traditional education appears to not fit the needs of children that are deemed highly reactive (15-20% of the population) (Boyce, 2019); and who are smarter, more creative, and sensitive. These children require a different learning style that requires hands on applications (e.g., design learning), working with the hands for an adequate balance of “here and now” neurochemicals and dopamine (Lieberman and Long, 2018), and going at the child’s own individual pace of knowledge acquisition reflective of the new field of educational genomics (Gaysina, 2016) – the equivalent of individualized medicine. Pioneers in this area include Boston College’s professor of Education Peter Gray (Gray, 2015) author of Free to Learn; and Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Ungifted: Intelligence Redefined. These highly reactive children due to their sensitivity are highly creative, and we know from a creativity resident study conducted at The University of California Berkeley in the 1960s by Frank X. Barron that “the average creative writer was in the top 15% of the general population on all measures of psychopathology”, but also “scored extremely high on all measures of psychological health (Kaufman, 2015, p. xxiii).

From expecting children to self-regulate to accepting that many may need to be co-regulated by consistent and reliable caregivers as part of their educational experience.

In 2010, Jelena Obradovic from Stanford’s Graduate School of Education and her colleagues published a study suggesting that how teachers engage with and relate to classroom dynamics influences the effect of social hierarchy on social inequality (e.g., health disparities) (Obradovic et al., 2010). Based on an observational study of 29 kindergarten classrooms in the San Francisco Bay Area, a social hierarchy was developed for each classroom based on social dominance resulting on the more highly reactive (i.e., orchid) children being placed at the bottom of the hierarchy.

The study found a correlation between the place on the hierarchy and depression-like symptoms (e.g., lower grades, more depression, more problems paying attention, lower positive peer relations). However, this relationship did not exist in all classrooms. Children at the bottom of the hierarchy only showed measures of lower outcomes if teachers ignored and/or fostered social dominant relationships. In classrooms in which teachers used more child-centered egalitarian practices (a measure developed at Stanford), the students’ place in the hierarchy did not have an effect on their socioemotional, behavioral, and academic health.

In other words, the association between social position and health starts to disappear as the classroom becomes more egalitarian through the leadership of the teacher. What this study is suggesting is that people (in order to have a fair chance towards personal and professional development) are not necessarily bound by their social standing so long as their emotional wellness is attended to. Thus, we might not be able to quickly upgrade people’s social standing, but by attending to their unique sensitivities at a very early age we might be able to provide them with a chance towards optimal development.

In his recently published book, The Orchid and the Dandelion, Thomas Boyce states that “Orchids subjected to the exigencies of steep competition for dominance positions may also be substantially more jeopardized and undone by the difficulties that accompany such competition. Thus orchids relegated to low-ranking roles, where marginalization and social isolation prevail, may more often experience subjugation, stress, and symptoms of despair, leading to psychological and physical duress. On the other hand, orchids achieving high social ranks may be more visibly rewarded with the strong mental health and developmental achievements that such ranks engender” (Boyce, 2019, p. 148).

Adapted from IAAN’s 1st International Conference of Applied Neuroscience Round Table Discussion: Applied Neuroscience in clinical practice and education. What difference does it make? on May 23, 2019, Sydney, Australia.

References:

Obradović, J., Bush, N. R., Stamperdahl, J., Adler, N. E., & Boyce, W. T. (2010). Biological sensitivity to context: The interactive effects of stress reactivity and family adversity on socioemotional behavior and school readiness. Child Development, 81(1), 270-289.

Schore, A. N. (2002). Advances in neuropsychoanalysis, attachment theory, and trauma research: Implications for self psychology. Psychoanalytic Inquiry, 22(3), 433-484.

Schore, A. N. (2012). The Science of the Art of Psychotherapy (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.

Boyce, W. T. (2019). The orchid and the dandelion: Why some children struggle and how all can thrive. New York, NY: Alfred A. Knopf.

McGilchrist, I. (2019). Ways of attending: How our divided brain constructs the world. London, England: Routledge.

Lieberman, D. Z., & Long, M. E. (2018). The Molecule of More: How a single chemical in your brain drives love, sex, and creativity – and will determine the fate of the human race. Dallas, TX: BenBella Books, Inc.

Gaysina, D. (2016). Educational genomics: Tailoring teaching to our individual DNA. Retrieved from: https://geneticliteracyproject.org/2016/11/17/educational-genomics-tailoring-teaching-individual-dna/

Gray, P. (2015). Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life. New York, NY: Basic Books.

Kaufman, S. B. (2013). Ungifted: Intelligence redefined. New York, NY: Basic Books. Courtwright, D. T. (2019). The age of addiction: How bad habits become big business. Cambridge, MA: The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press.

Thedy Veliz, MBA, MA is a Relational & Developmental Neuro-Therapeutic Consulting CoachSM, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and Certified Applied Clinical Neuroscience Professional. He is a resident expert and regular contributor for The Science of Psychotherapy, and has a private practice in Los Gatos, California, USA. He can be reached at people-systems.net.

https://www.thescienceofpsychotherapy.com/the-future-of-applied-neuroscience-in-education/?fbclid=IwAR1AEbQjRVa7_Ana3E8TbM1tEajT_CdByfU-_6CArYUZNL8eF2TVvlnC1uA

Personality disorders common to children of narcissistic parents

What personality disorders are common in children of narcissistic parents? [Answered by Elinor Greenberg.]

The children of Narcissistic parents who develop personality disorders (and not all do) generally become either Narcissistic or Schizoid. A few develop Borderline Personality Disorder. A lot depends on how abusive the parents are and whether they share their Narcissistic supplies with their children or only devalue and abuse them.

In my clinical experience of 40 + years, here are the most common pairings of Narcissistic parents and the children their style of parenting produces. I will go from least damaging to most damaging.

High Functioning Achievement Oriented Narcissistic Parents

Family Motto: We are special.

These Narcissistic parents are focused on everyone in the family looking good and becoming high achievers. Although they have little empathy and insist that their children conform to their expectations, they will praise their children whenever they do well in school, win awards, or otherwise fulfill their assigned role in the family.

Many children from these families grow up to be high functioning Narcissists themselves and the family pattern gets perpetuated.

Exhibitionist Narcissist Parents

Family Motto: I am special, you are not.

In this scenario one or both parents are Exhibitionisis Narcissists who insist that their children (and everyone else) continually admire and respect them. They want to be the center of attention in every situation.

The children’s role is to uncritically admire and obey them and treat them as Gods. Their every whim is law and their opinions are sacred. When the children do not go along with this program, they are devalued. They get rewarded with gifts, privileges, and attention when they do exactly as the parents say. Any individual initiative on the part of the children that is perceived as threatening the parents’ leadership is likely to be ruthlessly squashed. In essence the children are expected to believe and do whatever the parents tell them to. Anything else is seen as a rebellion.

Children from these homes grow up to have lower self esteem than those from the “High Functioning Achievement Oriented Narcissists’” homes. They have been devalued more frequently and almost never allowed to be the center of admiring attention at home.

As adults, they become wounded Narcissists who either seek to prove their parents wrong by focusing on getting the status that they were denied access to at home, or else they accept their role as perpetually second class. Even when they manage to achieve, their internal doubts about their own self worth will continually create problems for them unless they get a lot of psychotherapy.

Closet (Covert) Narcissist Parents

Family Motto: You are special, your siblings are not.

These Narcissistic parents are often too insecure about their own self-worth to openly seek the admiration that they crave. If they happen to have a talented child, they are likely to use the child to get Narcissistic supplies for themselves.

The Golden Child: This “Golden Child” will be groomed by the parents to be the type of Exhibitionist Narcissist the parents always admired, but never dared emulate themselves. This child is usually uncritically praised by the parents for any and all achievements.

In some cases these children do quite well in life as they are prepared to see themselves as special and they are not conflicted about being in the spotlight.

In other cases, they are disappointed when they realize that there are other equally talented people in the world and they are no longer automatically acknowledged as “best.”

The Siblings: If the “Golden Child” has less obviously talented siblings, they are likely to grow up without getting very much attention from their parents. This lack of Narcissistic supplies is likely to leave them feeling ignored, devalued, and second-rate.

The “Golden Child” may experience the parents as extremely intrusive and blame them for any later disillusionment (that he or she is not really so unique and special). As adults, they may be perpetually dissatisfied by their level of achievement because they never again feel the degree of specialness that their parents convinced them was their birthright.

In some cases, these children when they reach adulthood move far away from their families because they want to try to live their own lives without the pressure to fulfill their parents’ dreams.

Exhibitionist Devaluing Narcissist Parents

Family Motto: You will not get any help from us until you are good enough, and you will never be good enough.

These parents insist on being admired and give their offspring conflicting signals. They hold out the possibility of approval and respect as a way to control their children. They make many promises that they never keep.

According to them, it is always the children’s own fault that they were disappointed in the end. If only the children were smarter or better behaved, of course they would have gotten (a, b, or c ... fill in the blank).

Many of these children believe their parents’ version of the story and feel tortured by their inability to live up to their parents’ expectations. Self-esteem is always just out of reach.

When the constant devaluation and disappointment is combined with indifference, intrusiveness, and actual physical neglect, many of these children make a Schizoid adaptation.

The Schizoid Child: At an early age they realize that they are on their own and will have to take care of themselves. They cannot count on their parents for anything.

Independent: Those who have the intelligence and resilience, become fiercely independent. They comfort themselves with the idea that once they are old enough to leave home, they will get the real life that they long for and dream about. In reality, once grown, they find out that their disturbing childhood left them mistrustful and fearful around other people and they may find it difficult to make meaningful connections.

Mistreated Bodies: They also tend to treat their bodies the way their parents treated them: as things without feelings that are there simply to be useful. This generally translates into them becoming dissociated from their feelings and bodily sensations and often working till they are literally exhausted and ill.

Malignant or Toxic Narcissist Parents

Family Motto: You live to serve me.

These Narcissistic parents treat their children as slaves. The children have no rights and get no respect. Their parents treat them as inhuman tools without feelings who exist mainly to serve the parents’ needs. These parents often have a sadistic streak and may actively abuse their children. Sometimes the abuse takes physical form and the children are regularly beaten for disobedience of any kind.

The Rebel Son: One young man reported that his family had a particularly ritualized way of physically abusing him. When he displeased his Narcissistic mother during the day, she would tell his step father when he came home from work that the boy needed to be punished. After dinner, the boy would have to choose the item with which he would be beaten from a wall of implements: various sized sticks and short whips.

This boy’s spirit was never broken. He did not grow up to have a Narcissistic or a Schizoid adaptation. Instead he became extremely rebellious and resisted any and all forms of authority. His family was upper class and extremely status conscious and pretentious. One of his forms of rebellion and revenge consisted of him becoming a petty criminal and pretending to be working class. He saw this as the ultimate rejection of his family and as a perpetual source of embarrassment for them.

The Broken Son: Another young man never managed to fully leave his abusive family. Despite being quite good-looking, he saw himself as fat, unattractive, and unappealing to women. He had body-dysmorphic disorder and extremely low self-esteem from being continually told that he was ugly and useless.

He was what I think of as a “failed Narcissist.” He had internalized his family’s Narcissistic values, but was convinced that he was too inferior to ever achieve anything significant. Instead he focused his insecurities on his appearance. He comforted himself with the fantasy that he would date someday and get a better job when he was thinner and had worked out at the gym enough to get a better physique.

The Schizoid Child: Some children internalize being treated as a slave without feelings as a model of all relationships. They see most forms of contact with other people as potentially dangerous. In their experience, there are only two possible relationship roles: either you are the “Master” and call all the shots or you are the “Slave” and have to do whatever the Master wants in order to keep the relationship. No negotiation is possible. Relationships are a take it or leave it proposition. The only alternative is to isolate yourself completely.

Punchline: There are many different ways to be a Narcissistic family and some are much harder on children. Children tend to adapt to the family that they find themselves in and adopt that family's value system. This makes it likely that the children will grow up with a Narcissistic disorder of some kind or, at the very least, many Narcissistic traits. In more abusive and neglectful Narcissistic families, many children make a Schizoid adaptation to survive.

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP, In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: "Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety."

www.elinorgreenberg.com

[https://www.quora.com/What-personality-disorders-are-common-in-children-of-narcissistic-parents/answer/Elinor-Greenberg?ch=10&share=f6221e53&srid=BipZ]