Tom Waits "Step Right Up"

Swiss Army (die beste Armee vor der Welt)

U2 "White As Snow" (Official-Unofficial)

"White as Snow"
Where I grew up there were no hills at all
The land was flat, the highway straight and wide
My brother and I, we'd drive for hours, like we'd years instead of days
Our faces as pale as the dirty snow

Once I knew there was a love divine
Then came a time I thought it knew me not
Who can forgive forgiveness when forgiveness is not?
Only the land as white as snow

And the water it was icy
As it washed over me
And the moon shined above me

Now this dry ground it bears no fruit at all
Only poppies laugh under a crescent moon

The road refuses strangers
The land, the seeds we sow
Where might we find a land as white as snow?

As boys we would go hunting in the wood
To sleep, the night shun out the stars
Now the wolves are every passing stranger
Every face we cannot know
If only a heart could be as white as snow
If only a heart could be as white as snow

R.E.M. "World Leader Pretend" + lyrics

U2 "The Moment of Surrender" (Official-Unofficial)

 I tied myself with wire
To let the horses run free
Playing with the fire
'Til the fire played with me
The stone was semi-precious
We were barely conscious
Two souls too smart to be
In the realm of certainty
Even on our wedding day
We set ourselves on fire
Oh God, do not deny her
It's not if I believe in love
But if love believes in me
Oh, believe in me
At the moment of surrender
I folded to my knees
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me
I've been in every black hole
At the altar of the dark star
My body's now a begging bowl
That's begging to get back
Begging to get back to my heart
To the rhythm of my soul
To the rhythm of my unconsciousness
To the rhythm that yearns
To be released from control
I was punching in the numbers
At the ATM machine
I could see in the reflection
A face staring back at me
At the moment of surrender
Of vision over visibility
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me
I was speeding on the subway
Through the stations of the cross
Every eye looking every other way
Counting down 'til the pain will stop
At the moment of surrender
Of vision of over visibility
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

["Here is another character, a war veteran. In my head he was part of some Somali adventure that went so wrong. We think about him as someone who has not been able to reintegrate or re-enter earth's atmosphere yet. He hasn't managed to return to himself. I believe insanity is the sane response of sane individuals to insane situations. In 'Moment Of Surrender,' he has dragged his wife into drugs and booze, he can't live with what he has done to her and so he breaks down beside an ATM machine and begs God to deliver them." - Bono, No Line On The Horizon 2009]

How do narcissists feel about the people who love them?

(Answered by Elinor Greenberg on quora.com)

Love and Narcissism

When they are being honest about the “L” word, most of my clients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder express some doubt that they actually are capable of what other people mean by “love.”

As Jeff said during his session: “I don’t think I really know what it means to love someone. There are people that I like being with more than others, there are women who I lust after, and there are people whose acceptance and admiration I crave. But love like in the movies, that’s not something I ever feel.”

So how do they feel about the people who love them?

This is a complicated question. Many of my married Narcissistic clients care about their mates and want the relationship to work. But…their lack of emotional empathy and their lack of object constancy limit the ways that they can experience and express positive feelings.

You might compare these Narcissistic clients to people who lack musical talent, but are trying to sing anyway.

Practicality vs. Love

Many of my Narcissistic clients have substituted practicality for love. Instead of asking themselves “Do I love this person who loves me?”, they ask themselves something much less romantic and more self-serving:

Do I need this person for anything?

• Am I lonely or bored?
• Would I like to have sex with this person?
• What is their status relative to mine?
• Are they a “catch”?
• Can they help me to rise in the hierarchy that I care about?
• Do they admire me?
• Will other people admire me more if I am with them?
• Are they wealthy and generous?
• Is it time to get married and start a family of my own?
• Should I get married so that I have someone to take care of me when I am old?

Hunting the Unicorn

Then there are some people with NPD who refuse to believe that it is their problem that they cannot deeply and consistently love someone who loves them. They convince themselves that if they do not love someone, it is because it is the other person’s fault.

They believe that there is a perfect person out there that they will find it easy to love. Each time they become infatuated with someone new, they idealize this person. Then as they inevitably discover the person’s flaws, they become disillusioned, and devalue, and discard them.

Punchline: If you love a Narcissist, you can save yourself some grief and disappointment by accepting that they are unlikely to be able to love you in the way you have always dreamed of being loved. You need to think a bit more practically and try and see this person accurately.

If they are hunting Unicorns, you are likely to get hurt when they discover you are a real person, not some mythical perfect beast. If they are simply seeing a relationship with you as the practical answer to some life issue, can you accept that? The one thing that you do need to understand is that just because you love them, this does not alter their limited capacity to love you back.

Ed Sheeran "Shape of You" (Official Video)

U2 "The Hands that Built America" lyrics

Oh my love
It's a long way we've come
From the freckled hills
To the steel and glass canyons

From the stony fields
To hanging steel from skies
From digging in our pockets
For a reason not to say goodbye

These are the hands that built America
Ah, ah, ah, America

Last saw your face
In a water colored sky
As sea birds argue a long goodbye

I took your kiss
On the spray of a new lined star
You gotta live in your dreams
Don't make them so hard

And these are the hands that built America
Ah, ah, ah, America

Of all of the promises
Is this one we can keep
Of all…

U2 "Trip through your wires" lyrics

In the distance
She saw me coming 'round
I was calling out
I was calling out

Still shaking
Still in pain
You put me back together again
I was cold and you clothed me honey
I was down and you lifted me honey

Angel
Angel or devil
I was thirsty
And you wet my lips

You, I'm waiting for you
You, you set my desire
I trip through your wires

I was broken, bent out of shape
I was naked in the clothes you made
Lips were dry, throat like rust
You gave me shelter from the heat and the dust
No more water in the well
No more water, water

Angel
Angel or devil
I was thirsty
And you wet my lips

You, I'm waiting for you
You, you …

Can one discern and fix "rot" or "malicious code" in oneself? - asks Anna

Q: Does the narcissist know they are a narcissist?
(Answered by Mary Jane Underwood on quora.com.)

I believe I was a narcissist. I use the word was since I no longer feel the need to; manipulate others into getting what I want, blame others for my downfalls, feel the need to be special & believe the world revolves around me, & I realize that my actions do affect those around me. Four years ago on the other hand, it was the complete opposite & I prioritized my self image & what others thought of me. I managed to fabricate my reality (with a lot of help from social media) by only exhibiting the good parts about me & locking away all my vulnerabilities. There was no way I was going to show anyone who I really was because deep down I wanted to be sought as the opposite of how I felt- broken. When my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) would shed light on my abusive behavior & explained how I could easily make him feel worthless, I denied any responsibility & faulted him for having low self esteem. This is commonly known as gas lighting. I was never professionally diagnosed with NPD, however these tendencies I described above hindered me from growing meaningful relationships, as I would only truly care for myself & was inconsiderate of the feelings towards others.

Ironically, I always felt there was something off with me & I’m not quite sure if it was due to the fact that my parents conducted this absurd “exorcist ceremony” (they believed I was the devil because I was a 6 year old who cried specifically at 6 AM & 6 PM) & possibly conditioned my 6 year old brain that I was innately evil. There wasn’t a time in high school where I wasn’t constantly trying to self diagnose myself on Google, “why do I keep changing myself and beliefs depending on the person?” “Why do I not like showing people who I really am?” Despite the answers I’d come across, I was reluctant to change & was in denial with all of them.

It wasn’t until I was kicked out by 3 different family members’ homes in a span of 3 months at the age of 19 that I started shifting perspective. Two of those times I was nearly homeless, but I was fortunate that my boyfriend of whom I knew for only two months (who is now my husband) at the time was more than happy to take me in. As I was living with my boyfriend, I kept going back to my family members’ & yearned for their acceptance for almost a year. My social life, school life, & romantic life came to a halt as I was determined to win their affection & ultimately, prove to myself that I was lovable. This was the lowest point in my life as I felt betrayed by the people whom I trusted & loved the most, & there I was trying to please each & every one of them, slowly withering away what little integrity I had left. No matter how much I compromised myself in order to please them & to show them how sorry I was, I was still the black sheep & I ended up feeling drained & more empty inside with each interaction. The anxiety advanced as I constantly ruminated over past interactions & what I should have said or done, & theorizing why my actions were never justified while other family members’ same actions were.

Eventually, I absorbed myself in school to distract myself from the pain (I initially indulged myself in cigarettes & alcohol, but the pain worsened). There was one assignment where I had such a peculiar interest in & devoted all my time into making it perfect. I was always a perfectionist, but this distinct paper felt near & dear to me & held more value that at the time, I didn’t understand. The assignment was about Mental Illnesses & I chose to write about Narcissistic Personality Disorders. My knowledge on NPD was entirely basic, but I was captivated by the topic & genuinely wanted to know more. In hindsight, my body was trying to tell me something that I was in denial to my whole life. As I accumulated pertinent information, I finally began to feel different. Things seemed clearer & I felt like I had my answer. However, I didn’t initially see myself as the perpetrator; I saw myself as the victim. My emotions were on a roller coaster as I felt liberated by the truth & simultaneously shattered by the idea that the love I was receiving by my family all along was conditional. Knowing that this disorder plagued my entire family, I sought to eradicate it by discreetly illuminating them of NPD. I wanted to be heard & I knew that if I presented it outright, I would be ridiculed & shrugged off. Luckily, the assignment required conducting interviews with professionals & peers in order to get a consensus of how knowledgeable society was with the topic. I decided to interview random classmates & every family member in hopes that my abusers would resonate with it & eventually change. Almost all were just as uneducated with NPD as I was. The two that were capable of going in depth with the questions however, seemed to be uncomfortable & I perceived it as progress. Unfortunately, my naivety led me back into their abusive ways & their constant gaslighting, crippled me even more. I isolated & was consumed with anger.

Delirious, I became physically & emotionally abusive to my husband (boyfriend at the time) who not only supported me throughout the turmoil, but provided more love than I ever received by my family. To justify my abuse, I faulted him for not trying hard enough & that we were in a rut due to his lack of ambition & poor decision making skills(we were living with my family at the time). Many of his clothes were torn, watches, & any materials he was attached to I tried to destroy. This continued for almost a year… & without even realizing it, I was the epitome of who I hated. Retrospectively, I hated myself & everything. I hated how my parents physically & emotionally abused me, how my family members made me question my sanity, & how I couldn’t trust or depend on any of them. I constantly played the victim card & in the process I was creating another victim.

The physical abuse ceased to continue after less than a year, but the emotional abuse remained & heightened. Nonetheless, my boyfriend proposed to me. I was reluctant to say yes at first, but not because I didn’t love him but because I was unsure if he deserved me. As cheesy as this may sound, my heart wanted to say yes, but my body & mind knew that I wasn’t ready to give him the love he deserved, especially with everything I did to him. Five months after getting married, my husband experienced migraines & flu-like symptoms, resulting him to call in sick constantly for a month. We were both concerned & while he blamed his 50 hour work week, I had a feeling it was me. “Babe, did you ever feel like this before you met me?” “No, don’t worry too much. It’s just my work schedule,” he would answer. Finally, his primary doctor recommended him to a psychiatrist (we were fortunate that his company paid for our health insurance at the time) & he still felt uneasy & anxious. During his session, he said the psychiatrist primarily focused on the abuse that I inflicted, but felt it was unnecessary because it was more than a year since the last incident & still, he blamed his work schedule for his symptoms (we now recognize that he was experiencing Stockholm syndrome). At that moment, I knew I was a narcissist considering that I treated him like how my family collectively treated me & there he was experiencing the same symptoms I similarly experienced in the past. I was exactly like my family.

I understand why its so commonplace for people to believe that narcissists are reluctant to change & can never acknowledge their shortcomings because I was too far up my own ass to comprehend what kind of monster I really was. There were a lot of humbling experiences, but I do give significant amount of credit to my husband who provided me that unconditional love I never had growing up (seemingly enough, the narcissists in my family lacked that as well) which I believed allowed me to admit that I was a narcissist. The unconditional love, taking responsibility for my own actions, & not playing the victim card has definitely helped me leer away from my narcissistic tendencies. I know I still have a LOT of work to do, but I promised myself I will never hurt anyone like how I used to by inflicting that same pain my family did & to always act with integrity.

*NOTE: This is my own personal experience. Not saying all narcissists can admit they are one, but it is possible. If dealing with a narcissist & hoping for some change, be vigilant. The process of helping a narcissist has left me & my husband more drained than anything .

Why can't narcissists remember anything?

[From quora.com, answered by Todd Skyler, Research regarding how NPD impacts legal issues.]

I think, at times, it may appear that narcissists do not remember anything.

I believe that once a narcissist is triggered, he or she may very well have an emotional memory blackout which is discussed in more detail below.

During the devaluation phase of a Narcissist/NT relationship, a narcissist may be triggered due to his or her perception that someone had made a real or imagined criticism.

If a significant other (SO) had made such an alleged criticism shortly after the SO and the narcissist embarked on a relationship, the narcissist may very well have ignored the slight.

The narcissist is apt to refrain from being hyper sensitive and/or hyper critical while the euphoria buzz of new found love is "coursing through the narcissist's veins."

However, as the euphoria high of new love begins to wane, the narcissist will be hyper-vigilantly looking for evidence of any potential…

••abandonment

••betrayals

••bad intentions afoot

The narcissist may inaccurately perceive an offense has been committed due to an SO's "suspicious behavior."

As the the relationship's new love euphoric buzz diminishes, the narcissist's alarm bells may sound if the SO..,,,

•yawns

•appears tired

•appears aloof

•sighs

•appears sad

•perceives that a lie has been told

•any physical signal that could possibly telegraph “dissatisfaction” with the status quo

I believe that once a narcissist is triggered, he or she will prone to become emotionally dysregulated, and in turn, he or she may very well experience an emotional memory blackout.

The narcissist may have a memory blackout for additional reasons other than emotional dysregulation such as...

•dissociative amnesia

•narrative reconstruction

•revisionist history

•possible selective amnesia

•lack of object constancy

•lack of whole object relations

•pre devaluation enabler

•placement (enabler may have vested interest in the “role maintenance”)

•potential shame from post fight emotional dysregulation commentary

The Narcissist's Warnings about having a Bad Memory could be a Ruse

There is one other potential issue that the SO must keep in mind. If the narcissist continually harps on the fact that he or she has a bad memory that could be a tip off that trickery and deceit may be around the corner.

For example, if the narcissist commits some kind of relationship transgression, and the SO tries to confront the narcissist regarding same, the narcissist will assert he or she is in no position to discuss the matter. The narcissist will be quick to point out that he had previously mentioned that his memory is shot.

What are some steps to avoid raising a narcissist?

[answered by Danielle Hall on quora.com]

1. Never tell your kid they are a burden to you. Example, you kids are like a ball and chain around my leg keeping me from focusing on my happiness, my success, etc.
2. Never tell your kids that they are ungrateful to have all they have, yet neglect them emotionally. Example, narcissistic mother provides food shelter and clothing, but never spends time with her kids, doesn't know their hopes and dreams aspirations, just wants them to turn 18 so they can leave the house.
3. Don't use your kids for emotional support. Don’t vent your problems to them. Example, narcissistic mom thinks her kids should support her by helping her achieve her dreams. They are the cheerleaders in her life, they are there to spur her on.
4. Don't displace anger and frustration on kids. Example, narcissistic mom comes home to find apartment has been broken into and everything stolen. In blind rage she grabs her ten year old by the hair and starts pounding her head against the refrigerator door.
5. Don't shit on your kids dreams. Example, daughter tells narcissistic mother she is thinking if becoming a lawyer. Mother responds, I can't see you as a lawyer.
6. Don't make love and affection conditional. I love you when you succeed and make me proud, but I'm ashamed of you when you fail. This creates a person who is terrified to fail, to be a loser, and the kid may become a narcissist to protect self from insecurities.
7. Don't pour all of your fears and negativity into your kids heads. Example, mother is terrified of living and being stuck in poverty, instills that fear in her child, which later creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. The child had a life long dread of poverty and finds her worst fears come to life in adulthood--joblessness, homelessnes, drug addictions, alcoholism.
8. Don't shame and guilt-trip. Don’t tell kid you are a loser, just like your father. Don’t say why can't you be a good boy, good girl like so-and-so?Why can't you be pretty, smart, hard- working like, so-and-so? You want a kid that never feels like they're good enough, this is the way to do it.
9. Don't break promises to your kids. Example, Narcissistic mom tells kids they will be taken to the beach that day but never comes home. Kids grow up with trust issues, and feel its normal for people to disregard them.
10. Don't gaslight your kids. Mother tells 17 year old daughter she is kicking her out of the house the day she turns 18. Kid drops out of school to take a factory job to support herself. Years later mother shames daughter by asking why she didn't go to college and make something of herself. Daughter reminds her she kicked her out of the house. Mother gaslights: I did no such thing!

If you neglect, shame, project, gaslight, withhold affection, discourage and blame, as listed above, you will get:

A) a child with low self esteem too afraid to even have dreams, who will be unable to love themselves, and be victims of other controlling, manipulative, predatory people later in life. In short, a dog shit covered doormat.

B) a child who is terrified to fail, who is afraid, that if they are poor, fat, ugly they will be judged and scorned. They will cover up all the anxiety and fears they had growing up under a narcissistic parent by creating false armour, because they are terrified to ever feel that out of control again. As an ego defense, they will become over-controlling assholes who are arrogant, entitled, and manipulative. But also they will focus so much on their own pain and needs that they won't have any empathy for anyone else. They won't ever love, because they learned that love was conditional and rejection too painful. They will lash out because they are full of rage at their narcissistic parent, and by extension, the world. They will demean and degrade because other people's success diminishes their own.

And thus another narcissistic asshole has been created to shatter other people's lives.

Thanks, narc mom.

Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry.
Mamma's gonna make all of your nightmares come true.
Mamma's gonna put all of her fears into you.
Mamma's gonna keep you right here under her wing,
She won't let you fly but she might let you sing.
Mamma's gonna keep baby cosy and warm.
Oooh babe

Mother, Pink Floyd.