Why can't narcissists remember anything?

[From quora.com, answered by Todd Skyler, Research regarding how NPD impacts legal issues.]

I think, at times, it may appear that narcissists do not remember anything.

I believe that once a narcissist is triggered, he or she may very well have an emotional memory blackout which is discussed in more detail below.

During the devaluation phase of a Narcissist/NT relationship, a narcissist may be triggered due to his or her perception that someone had made a real or imagined criticism.

If a significant other (SO) had made such an alleged criticism shortly after the SO and the narcissist embarked on a relationship, the narcissist may very well have ignored the slight.

The narcissist is apt to refrain from being hyper sensitive and/or hyper critical while the euphoria buzz of new found love is "coursing through the narcissist's veins."

However, as the euphoria high of new love begins to wane, the narcissist will be hyper-vigilantly looking for evidence of any potential…

••abandonment

••betrayals

••bad intentions afoot

The narcissist may inaccurately perceive an offense has been committed due to an SO's "suspicious behavior."

As the the relationship's new love euphoric buzz diminishes, the narcissist's alarm bells may sound if the SO..,,,

•yawns

•appears tired

•appears aloof

•sighs

•appears sad

•perceives that a lie has been told

•any physical signal that could possibly telegraph “dissatisfaction” with the status quo

I believe that once a narcissist is triggered, he or she will prone to become emotionally dysregulated, and in turn, he or she may very well experience an emotional memory blackout.

The narcissist may have a memory blackout for additional reasons other than emotional dysregulation such as...

•dissociative amnesia

•narrative reconstruction

•revisionist history

•possible selective amnesia

•lack of object constancy

•lack of whole object relations

•pre devaluation enabler

•placement (enabler may have vested interest in the “role maintenance”)

•potential shame from post fight emotional dysregulation commentary

The Narcissist's Warnings about having a Bad Memory could be a Ruse

There is one other potential issue that the SO must keep in mind. If the narcissist continually harps on the fact that he or she has a bad memory that could be a tip off that trickery and deceit may be around the corner.

For example, if the narcissist commits some kind of relationship transgression, and the SO tries to confront the narcissist regarding same, the narcissist will assert he or she is in no position to discuss the matter. The narcissist will be quick to point out that he had previously mentioned that his memory is shot.