In what ways could a therapist foster dependency in a client?

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The person who answers this Quora question writes this, at the above link:

I would say that I’m surprised at these answers but I’m really not. Especially for U.S. replies.

Why does everyone assume this was a negative question? Why does everyone assume the asker meant OVERdependency? (Maybe they did, but maybe my slant will give even them a different context.). Why is it that when the very word ‘dependence’ is dared to be uttered, an emphatic gasp escapes from everyone’s proverbial mouth?

Here’s where I’m coming from: I LOATHE needs. I abhor depending on anyone for anything. If anyone were conditioned to gasp…or even puke…at the notion of needing something from someone, especially a therapist, it would be me. You see dependency means vulnerability…which is, of course, vehemently forbidden. I even call it the game of needs. Because as soon as I might need something from someone, I’m subject to their power. Their power to A. Meet the need or to not, for one…and worse, B. The power to call the shots if they DO meet it. What’s the pricetag? Oh and…if you’re willing to ask/take, then you’re willing to give…anything. Learn that before you even enter kindergarten and then tell me you think ‘needs’ are ok…or anything but even morally wrong! In all honesty…all of you therapists answers to date just FEED my reasons to not need you. You obviously want to DIS-courage it!

All we hear about is the clingy client. The idealizing client. The overwhelming, enmeshing client. The one you as therapists can’t shake. The ‘extra grace required’ client. The problematic, positive transferent client. The one who calls between sessions, emails, makes extra appointments, and overreacts when you have a vacation or even a single sick day. The, dare I say, ‘How do I get rid of’ this client. The ‘eyeroll’ client.

Does no one ever have the client who doesn’t even believe in ‘safe’ or trust? The one who’s been so out of touch with (or never been alllowed) emotions and has no idea how to even answer what it is that they need? The horribly avoidant kind of client? The one that almost bears claws when you mention the concepts of needs, trust, depending, or relationship? The one who causes eyebrows to curl in perplexity rather than roll with contempt?

What do you all do when a client wants so desperately to NOT need or trust you? When they endure hellish ambivalence over knowing they even made the first appointment because they needed help, but they have no idea what that would look like or how to ask for it? When everything in their nature rails against accepting any basic thing you offer them? What do you do when their defenses rear monstrous heads against everything you’ve previously held as concrete ‘do’s and don’t’s?

Whatever you would do to help them feel ‘safe’, to learn to slowly trust you, to have any chance at all to have a ‘therapeutic relationship’ (and those words pretty much cause their nerves to shudder), those things are what YOU do…to ‘foster’ some level of dependence to even keep them coming back and give therapy a chance. So don’t act like you, dear therapist, have never done anything to foster dependency…or that it’s a horrible thing that you have. Stop assuming that it has to mean some sly, selfish motivation on the part of a therapist to TRY against hope to create an opportunity for a (proud, Self Rescuing Princess) client to trust and talk for the first time in their lives. Stop villifying the more ‘extreme’ measures a therapist might HAVE to take to even connect or engage with a client. Oh I know that all of the answers here which address the dark side of therapists ambitions do exist….but that is because of the nature of that singular therapist rather than the nature of dependency. (Wow! I can’t believe that just came from my brain! This is 180 from where I was 5–4–3 yrs ago!)

I think that therapists who work with a high ratio of trauma clients (especially complex trauma from childhood abuse), have seen more people like me. I think that to them, this question is much more neutral and their answer would be tailored for each clients needs, rather than so unilaterally snubbing of the simple word ‘dependency’.

And that takes a hell of a lot for me to say!! Because I saw ‘the game’ of fostering from the beginning and fought tooth and nail to not fall for it. I refused to play the game. Maybe that’s why it’s taken me half a decade to get here. But I AM still here, in therapy, for the first time in my 40something life. My therapist has the patience of a saint and the impeccable balance to ‘foster’ dependence without ever crossing a single boundary to coerce me into any form of OVERdependence or to so scare the living excrement out of me as to give me any further excuse to bolt.

This question and answer session has brought me a new and deeper gratitude for the skill and intrepid genius that my therapist has had to walk the fine line without fearing it’s wavering from time to time. Leaving open ended those things which they obviously knew I needed (whether I knew or not) and keeping closed what they knew I needed to still avoid.

Rethink context here please. Everybody gets unethical manipulation these days. It’s forefront and center. But a frenzy of ‘the therapist is selfish/only wants more money/loves the ego boost’ is very shortsighted. Commonplace, one dimensional and boring at least…sad and underserving of a whole population of clientelle at worst. Maybe the therapist just knows that it could be life or death to keep the client coming back.

Yet even I have been able to accomplish this shift after over 5+ long, patient, painstaking years of learning how to trust (which really must be a prerequisite of any healthy dependency). It’s been excruciating. And yet I’ve just realized ‘Here I am!’ arguing FOR healthy dependency. OMG!!! (Quell oncoming panic). My therapist did something right. Maybe they had to overcome their own comfort limits to accomplish it! Imagine that! Maybe we were both uncomfortable all this time. But it’s working…and right now I thank God that my therapist never gave up on me OR themself. I’m thankful that they refused to see things in black and white, or held to an unyielding principle of anti-dependency. Which would have just matched my own principles and accomplished zilch.